Family First: With Guests Samie & Ryan Wedmore

Family First

Cinnamon:  [00:00:00] you're our first couple. You're our first double first responder couple. You are also, trying to figure out how to navigate work life balance with a very young family. And whether our listeners are in your exact same position, or they were there 15 or 20 years ago, you guys are going to have a really unique set of circumstances of how to navigate the household and childcare.

And. when somebody has a bad shift and the other one isn't a non first responder spouse that may or may not get it completely, but you're coming home to another LEO who is like, Oh, okay, I get it. So I probably know a little bit more of what you need. Whereas. other couples may not get that the other thing is you guys aren't the mental health experts Like usually our guests will have something happen whether it's a traumatic event or the cumulative stress it's usually like what it was like what [00:01:00] happened and what it's like now where with you guys It really is just the stress of Being in your unique position in this, isolated moment.

So I don't expect You to be, super knowledgeable experts or without any like statistics But it really is more about like how in The Hades do you guys manage to have two under three? And both of you being LEOs that are working those shifts and seeing those things and making a household run.

I don't want to spend a lot of time introducing you because I think you'll do a better job.

 I know Samie because she is the niece of one of my high school friends. and then I don't know Ryan at all, except he is Samie's husband. So I'm actually going to leave it up to you, because I don't think my voyeuristic information that I've gathered from multiple years on Facebook would do either of you justice.

 [00:02:00] so, would you two like to start, sharing with us and those listening, who are you? How'd you get together? What does your family look like? 

Samie & Ryan: my name is Samie Wedmore. I got into the patrol in April of 2017. And when I graduated in September of 2017, I moved to Georgetown. And Ryan worked for the Brown County Sheriff's Department at that time. how we met Depends which one of us you talk to , but when I met Ryan, it was at a, scene of a shooting because he was a detective at the time.

Cinnamon: Interesting. Who would have known that love would be found on the crime

Erin: Only in the movies, only in the movies. and Samie, I would say that you are officially our first trooper, That we've had. and really to be quite honest, it's because they don't mess with us. there's like this,

Cinnamon: except to give us tickets.

Erin: So it's that like [00:03:00] untapped territory is the troopers they don't really, seem like they have any problems that they would want to talk to us.

that's kind of our ongoing joke, It's like untapped territory on the clinical side for us.

Cinnamon: They're like, no, thank you, ladies. and I think we also have learned working with people in various states is that our troopers, our state highway patrol is somewhat different than other states, right? So the highway patrol component isn't always what the state police look like in, in like even

Samie & Ryan: Oh, yeah, it's it is completely different. Yeah for sure.

Cinnamon: So if you say that Ryan may have a different story, let's ask Ryan. Ryan. How did you meet Samie? 

Samie & Ryan: Well, basically the same thing She said just one of her co workers reached out to me because she inquired about me. Mm hmm

Erin: after the fact.

Samie & Ryan: Yes 

Cinnamon: Okay, so as a detective who's on [00:04:00] scene and very singularly focused What was getting that phone call? Like

Samie & Ryan: From in regards to her.

Cinnamon: yeah from her co worker. That's like hey that was 

Samie & Ryan: Well, I knew something was 

up because the guy that called me never really calls me just a talk him cuz I'm I'm Kind of a blunt guy. So I just asked him what he wanted and he just asked me what I thought about the female trooper that was there. So I figured out what was going on.

Cinnamon: did her? 

Samie & Ryan: No. Yeah. I remember. 

Erin: look at her. She's gorgeous.I'm sure he takes his job very seriously, but you're not going to miss the hot 

Samie & Ryan: Well, I should add, I'm, I am the only female trooper at Georgetown, so it's not like he could have gotten me mixed up with 

Erin: There you go.

Cinnamon: Right.

Erin: Appreciate the

Cinnamon: so even if that hat would have blocked the view, it would have at least, and your hair's always tied up, nobody would necessarily know from meeting you that you have extremely long hair and, and even what color it is under that hat. Okay, so you guys meet, and when [00:05:00] was this? 

Samie & Ryan: May of 2018. 

Cinnamon: Okay, so you hadn't even been that long, Samie, before. 

Samie & Ryan: No, I think, was Between like six and eight months, I think.

Cinnamon: Yeah, okay, so we now have a love connection and at the time you were a Sheriff's office detective. Is that right Ryan? And we know that you're not that now but I don't want to fast forward and miss some of the juicy parts. What happens next?

Samie & Ryan: he has a daughter. I think we hung out within the first couple of days, but the first day we hung out was the first day he wasn't going to have her. and then went to your apartment. Yeah. Yeah. we didn't do anything fancy. He come and picked me up. At my apartment, we went and got Chipotle and beer and played UNO. was our first date. 

Cinnamon: like playing Uno, given my past experience is a very good way to get to know someone. Their temperament, their level of, being,[00:06:00] competitive, all of that. so not only are you a younger family, you're also a blended family.okay, so fast forward. How did you guys get engaged?

Samie & Ryan: Oh, he can tell this story. what was it, a family vacation? in Tennessee Yeah

Cinnamon: Who's family? 

Samie & Ryan: Her family? 

Cinnamon: Okay.

Samie & Ryan: just walked out and they were all around the pool and just asked her

Cinnamon: Did they know that you were gonna do that?

Samie & Ryan: knew besides uh, her sister in law well, obviously her dad I asked her dad before all 

Cinnamon: Okay. 

Erin: man. 

Cinnamon: How did, yeah, how did that go?

Samie & Ryan: So they were down here at our house for a weekend and you know her dad 

Cinnamon: Uh huh. 

Samie & Ryan: yeah 

Cinnamon: That's what I'm asking. Yeah. 

Samie & Ryan: I'm not a real nervous guy, but obviously asking someone's father to marry their daughter, it's pretty serious. [00:07:00] So I had the ring in my truck and we were both outside and I went and got the ring and. Walked up to him and just opened it. I said, what do you think about that? And he just started laughing. He said, just make sure you treat her good. I was like, I will. And that's how I asked him. And then I think long after that was when we went on the family vacation and I was like, pretty nervous because all of her family, you know, 

Cinnamon: That's sweet. Yeah. if she said no, with an audience, that would have been rough. That would have been a really, um, rough plane ride 

Samie & Ryan: yeah. Cause we drove her car. So that's been weird. Yeah. make him walk back.

Cinnamon: So Sammy, were you surprised? Were you expecting it? Did, how 

Samie & Ryan: No, I had no idea. I was really surprised. and kind of made sense afterwards, though, because we were going to Tennessee. So it was like a four hour drive from where we lived at the time. And he didn't talk like the whole ride. And I was like, is he mad does he not want to go on this trip? What's going on?

And [00:08:00] then we get there. And I guess he was gonna do it the night we got there. But my sister in law, was supposed to record it. And her phone died or something. And I remember I tried to sit on his lap. Outside, on the deck. And he like, pushed me off of him. Because he had the ring in his pocket. I was 

Cinnamon: happy to see me kind of moment? 

Samie & Ryan: like, okay. But no, I never, I had no idea. 

Cinnamon: maybe you weren't expecting it at that moment, but did you feel like you guys were in that place in your relationship where, it was pretty clear on both parts that like, this is it. This is. the person I want to be with and however, the actual process of any marriage or engagement like, happen may not be clear, but the idea that this is what works for us and this is where we want to be relationship wise,

Samie & Ryan: we had definitely talked about it. We lived together at the time. I up with her for a couple of times to really figure it out. Yeah. He broke up with me a couple of times. Yeah. It's just

Cinnamon:  not unusual, 

Samie & Ryan: just [00:09:00] to be sure. yeah, we had a house together at this point. I think we were together for like three years without breaking up at that point.

our longest running period of time. so you also had, That little redhead she factored into this because she was here before you guys moved into the

Cinnamon: house, correct? 

Samie & Ryan: we got pregnant Like two or three months before our wedding. So when he proposed to me, I wasn't pregnant. 

Cinnamon: Okay, 

Samie & Ryan: And that was when we were planning a really fun wedding for me. And then I think it was like two or three months before the wedding found out I was pregnant. 

Erin: Wow. So, you weren't quite showing yet. You were still able to, like, feel pretty and beautiful and not, oh, 

Samie & Ryan: Yeah, with my first, I didn't show until I was really far along, like seven or eight months.

Erin: wow.

Samie & Ryan: Yeah, I didn't show till I was really along with her.

Erin: Yeah, and then the second one, your body's like, oh, I remember this. It's like,

Samie & Ryan: Yeah. My body's here we

Erin: yep, yeah, I [00:10:00] relate.

Cinnamon: pop did not showing that far along. Did that contribute to when you decided to go on maternity leave or to get off the road? Because I think even if you know as long as nobody else knows and you can still wear your uniform and It doesn't look like you have, I don't want to say a weakness, but a vulnerability. I would imagine if you showed it six, you probably were less likely to stay on the road.

Samie & Ryan: So the patrol was really supportive. At least my administration was really supportive and let me decide what I was going to do. So I was able to stay on the road until I wanted to come off the road. Yeah. So whether that be like as soon as I find out I'm pregnant I can come off the road or I can stay on the road till I'm seven eight months pregnant if I want to I stayed on the road until I was I think either almost six or almost five months pregnant and I was working night shift I tried to stay on the road as long as I could and Because I [00:11:00] enjoy my job and it just got to the point where things were getting a little scary and I was like, I don't want to risk it.

Erin: Yeah, and that was going to be my question was, Ryan, did you have any concerns about Here's your Young, pregnant wife out on the road, obviously being the man of the house and knowing and understanding the job. Did you have any concerns 

Samie & Ryan: Well, I 

knew that she would take care of herself, but I actually told her that it was time to come off the road cause she couldn't stop getting sick and she'd had pull over and I said, I think it's about done. You need to tell him that you want to go on light duty and take care of yourself.

Erin: yeah,

Cinnamon: that makes sense. When also working the night shift, I'm sure trying to do anything in the dark makes things a little bit more challenging. And also, usually there's not a lot of good happening. what is that? Nothing good happens outside the house after 10 p. m. Isn't that what our parents used to say? 

Samie & Ryan: Yeah.

Cinnamon: it may be a little bit more, risky than if you were, six to [00:12:00] six or something.

Samie & Ryan: Andhe worked night shift too at the time, We were working the same shift and in the same county in the same county getting sent to the same Calls sometimes and it was gonna end up putting him in a bad situation too because he was trying to protect me So, 

Erin: of course.

Yeah, I think that's really good to know, Like Ryan, you can respect Sammy and her skillset and her, ability to do her job effectively, but at the same time, you're still a dad, you're still a husband. And. there's some like natural animalistic instincts that can easily 

Cinnamon: come out 

Erin: Mm hmm. 

Cinnamon: So When you got pregnant with number two, who's, what, she's not even two months old yet, correct?

Samie & Ryan: No, she's so six and a half weeks.

Cinnamon: how did this one go? As far as like, when you went off the road, did it feel a little easier because you were already, had been through this and navigated that process?

Samie & Ryan: I came on the road a lot sooner. I showed quicker with her, but I came off the road [00:13:00] because I didn't want to risk anything happening, like, You know, somebody kicking me in the stomach or something like that with as bad as it sounds I never thought about that because I didn't have a kid at the time.

So I almost put my career first when I was pregnant with Charlie. But then with Suri, I was like, I know what I'm getting. I don't want anything to happen to this baby. And I was really careful. So I came off the road a lot quicker with her. it wasn't any easier because, I feel like it I'm really close with the guys that I work with.

So I, you don't want to screw them over by coming off the road and leaving them short on the road. So that's hard, but they understood, they were really supportive about it.

Cinnamon: So now You guys own this house. you guys are going to be figuring out not only how to have two parent working family, but also, you're doing the same kind of job and that means you know things about what one goes through.

So I think [00:14:00] whether our listener is in your same position or if they're listening and they're like, Oh, I remember those days, like how have you two been able to balance Yeah. Thanks. both of you doing this job, knowing what that entails for the other, and child care, managing the household, managing to prioritize your relationship so you don't just become like, co parents that are figuring out who's paying the bills and who's, gonna vacuum today. How have you guys managed that?

Samie & Ryan: well, we're definitely still figuring it out.I guess I think for us, at least in my opinion, being married to another cop makes it almost easier because he doesn't get upset if I get held over at work. He doesn't get upset if I want to go to a certain situation and not come home.

And vice versa. we understand that you're going to get held over at work. You never get off at the time that you're supposed to. That's just how it [00:15:00] works. when we pick our schedules, We have to kind of see who not what we want best fits. Yeah. Like I would rather be on night shift, but I can't be on night shift anymore, so I have to go to afternoon shift. And that's because of the girls, but 

Cinnamon: let me ask you real quick. You said, normally you would pick the shift that you want, that's part of the gift of seniority is that as you, You know, stay with an agency, you get higher on seniority, you can have those choices. But being able to then shift from what I want to what works for the family, granted there's usually two primary shifts, days and nights, so how did you guys decide who was going to be on nights, who was going to be on days, how that shift management all worked? 

Samie & Ryan: well Ryan works twelves and I work eight.he just recently switched departments. So before he was a supervisor, and I've [00:16:00] been there for a while, so I could pick my shift. Yeah. So I picked day shift and she was on night shift. Afternoon. Afternoon. So she worked till 10 PM, but I got off at 6 PM.

Cinnamon: so my job was when I got off work to go to the babysitter, And then, come home don't

Samie & Ryan: make a schedule. And we really just have to make a schedule pretty much every week because it's, it always changes. you have, you throw court in there and it's Oh, shoot. Ryan, he's really forgetful. So he literally will be texting me as soon as he knows. And I'm like, okay, I got it covered. that's another thing on our off days, we have to go to court, you know, trainings and stuff like that.

So even on your off days, it might not be an off day when you're on night shift. It really stinks because court don't go by your schedule. They go by theirs. 

So when you get off at six. Where I work now, if I have court at [00:17:00] nine, I can't go home. I have to stay there until I have to go to court. And then that's all the way downtown Cincinnati, usually.

And then you have to wait down there at court. Court's at nine. I mean there might be however many cases in front of yours and then you might be down there until 3 p. m. and you have to be back at work at 6 p. m.

So luckily the place I work now is pretty understanding so they would let me flex my time and let me come in later so I actually do get some sleep. but I'm on day shift right now so I don't have to worry about that.

Erin: that's great. And I was going to ask you, it's challenging enough being a newlywed couple and then bringing, Mm hmm.several children in, without having this unstructured schedule, that's challenging enough. So I can definitely attest to the fact that I understand what it's like to have small little ones and then my husband becomes like this, just, kind of shadow in the home.

Like, we're just kind of passing each other. so what do you guys do [00:18:00] to work on making sure that your relationship has some kind of attention through navigating all of this? Or do you feel like it's just kind of like everything's on pause for your relationship for the moment while you focus on career and children?

Samie & Ryan: I think we do pretty good when we realize that we're not spending time together. we can't always make time for each other because you gotta find a babysitter usually when the kids are asleep. Yeah. we'll come out here like in the living room and watch a movie or something.

Shark Tank. Yeah. We big fans of Shark Tank or football. that is something we do typically watch football together on Thursdays, Sundays, and Mondays. we do take a trip for the night to Cincinnati every Valentine's Day. We've done that every year for the past, like five, six years.

And every other year, we just started this new thing where every other year we take a week trip somewhere. So this December, we're going to the Bahamas.

Erin: Nice.

Cinnamon: just the two of you or with the, [00:19:00] kids. 

Samie & Ryan: just the two of us.

Cinnamon: Sweet. 

Erin: That's great. So it sounds like you're really intentional about it. Even though the time might be limited, you were intentional. Like, okay, it's shark tank night. Kids are a sleeper. Okay, we are going to make this time for ourselves. which is really, I think, important to highlight because it would be easy to sit there and just, Say, oh, this isn't, we can't make time for it.

the world's not gonna just give you more time. You get to create that time for your relationship. I think it's awesome that you guys are doing that and intentional about it.

Yeah, she drug me down to Mexico last year, two years ago. Yeah, he doesn't like, he doesn't like planes, Okay. Yeah. flying. Yeah, 

Samie & Ryan: he went. 

Cinnamon: We can work on that, Ryan. Let's talk off. So have you seen, for you both to sit down and like plan and say, all right, we are always going to take this one [00:20:00] overnight trip on Valentine's day, that is not something that we're giving up. And then to add in the every other year going on this week long trip.

Solo, before you guys met, you were both obviously in the field. you would have known maybe some of the success rates or divorce rates of first responders. Right, yeah. 

Did that contribute to any, of your decision making about how you spend time together or prioritize your relationship?

Samie & Ryan: I think we were both in previous relationships that was similar, and similar things happened to us. So I think that, honestly that, I think that really helped our relationship. As far as trust and

all that kind of stuff because we knew what we were gonna I guess put up with Or what we weren't going to put up with so I think we were on the same page there yeah, and I think that before we got married.

We knew that putting up with what you're gonna put up with we both knew that if we got married It was gonna be we put each other first You know, we are [00:21:00] gonna make it work and I know what he'll tolerate. He knows what I'll tolerate. And I think that the main thing that a lot of couples fight about.

The two things that a lot of couples fight about him and I have never fought about like money and trust. Those are two things that we've never fought about and I think those are really big factors in relationships. So our communication isn't always the best but we work on it. And our profession, a lot of the same morals we, abide by and whether that's in our, our mission statement for different agencies, which is, you know, integrity, honesty and stuff like that. So I think that really helped us out as well.

Cinnamon: Do you think the fact that both of you do this job contributes to the trust factor? Because I think you are more familiar with what's happening during a shift, whereas maybe a spouse who have that firsthand knowledge might be a little [00:22:00] more, like, sus about, you know, What you're doing and where you're going and for better or for worse going into an ED, you know, something like where It might be more contentious for a couple that doesn't have both as first responders but maybe only one is an LEO or Firefighter or something like that. 

Samie & Ryan: Yeah, I think that, it definitely helps because we know the relationship that you have to have with your coworkers as well. So, I work with all guys. I'm the only female and I'm really close with all of them, which you kind of have to be because of what you go through together and what you deal with and you have to trust each other.

And so even outside of work, I talked to my coworkers and he's really supportive of that. It's never caused a fight between us, which I think is If I was with somebody else that wasn't in this field and understood that, they might, get upset about it and vice versa. I mean, I understand that he [00:23:00] has talked to his female coworkers. And you definitely have to have that trust. But I think that's both working. 

Cinnamon: That makes a lot of sense.

Cinnamon: I think you're very right with that, Sammy, that if maybe one of you wasn't doing this job and the other one was, maintaining that healthy, close relationship with a co worker of the opposite sex, it may be a very different experience, for a spouse to bear witness to that or, you know, who are you texting or who are you talking to, that kind of thing. I guess I wouldn't have thought about it that way, but you, that's a really good point. 

Samie & Ryan: Yeah, I think both of us have, like, saw relationships fall apart for like that. So, I mean,you have to talk to your co workers. You have to have that relationship with them.

Cinnamon: I want to go back and ask you, Ryan, you had said that at that point, when you were at your previous place of employment, you were higher up, you [00:24:00] were a detective, you had seniority. What made you change jobs and go? Maybe back to the bottom ofof the, pile. And if you didn't go to the bottom of the pile, 

Samie & Ryan: Oh, I went to the bottom of the pot. 

Cinnamon: This was not a lateral kind of, move. 

Samie & Ryan: where I used to work, I grew up there. I lived in that county my entire life. worked there for almost 14 years. cared a lot about the place.it wasn't the best pay. I'm getting paid a lot more now and doing a lot less, honestly. and that don't really mean a whole lot to me as far as, the money and stuff like that.

Yeah, it helps, but I want to, think that I'm making a difference on what I'm doing. I really did feel, really like close connection where my previous job. But I wasn't agreeing with the direction that some of the. Administrators was [00:25:00] taken the department and, I just. Was stressed out and letting it bother me and stuff and.

We just sat down and talked about it and decided I need to probably go somewhere else because. The only other option that I would have had was actually run for the county sheriff Which I. thought about, but that would even probably create more stress for our family and stuff. And I'm a big family man and my family means a lot to me.

So I just decided that maybe I needed to change the scenery and went somewhere else. And it's a lot less stress.

Erin: It's so nice to hear that, you saying, I, basically you put family first because something that we talk about often is losing your identity in the job and that is, that becomes the only, the main importance in your life. Not that your family is not important, but it's easy to,be confused with that identity of being in law enforcement or fire or whatnot. So [00:26:00] I love hearing that.

Samie & Ryan: And one of my, really good friends is actually the chief deputy at the sheriff's office and actually is running for the county sheriff. And, When you're close friends with someone and you disagree with them, it makes it hard to have a common ground, I guess. So, instead of possibly losing that friendship, I just decided to seek employment elsewhere.

Cinnamon: you put family and friendship ahead of career, which, Erin, have we had anybody that did that prior to some kind of crises? 

Erin: Yep.

Cinnamon: one thing that we see most frequently is the struggle to untangle oneself from that identity and to put anything in front of that career, and I don't think it's necessarily, a malicious or thoughtless decision.

I think it's a slippery slope, right? you can [00:27:00] do it. start with the best intentions. And if somebody confronted you with that information of, oh, you're putting your career in front of your family, like we all will have reasons of why that isn't true. regardless of what it actually appears to be.

 that makes me think that, you're even more likely to have a successful marriage because you aren't on that slippery slope. You are able to say, this is what's going to serve my family, both in terms of yeah, the financial stuff, but even without the financial piece of an increased pay, you're less stressed, you're working less. It isn't as intense while you are at work and you have more bandwidth 

Samie & Ryan: hmm. Which, honestly, 

 he would say, well, I can't, really blame you for leaving for the money. I said, it's not all about the money. And we pretty much, he asked me to shut his office door. And he, cause he's second command at the, my department, I was a sergeant, so I was, lower on the, command staff, but I've known him since I was [00:28:00] 16 years old.

So, he just said, what's the issue. I just told him he knows how I am. I'm not going to sit there and show when you ask me something, I'm going to tell you whether you like it or not. And I just told him exactly, why I decided to pursue another agency. And I don't know if he necessarily liked what I had to say, but I said it and. He knew what he was going to get when he asked me. and then on the flip side is he was also there for me and my family when I went through a critical incident, which meant a lot to me. and he had went through something like I did, but probably worse, 10 years before that. So

Cinnamon: And was that the officer involved shooting that Sammy mentioned to me earlier? 

Samie & Ryan: I was

Erin: Wow. As a couple, how do you support each other when these things happen? I imagine this is not the first time, and unfortunately, I guarantee it won't be the last time that these critical incidents has happened, so you have the upper hand. Because [00:29:00] often, one partner is the first responder and they won't tell their other, their partner crap.

They'll just be like, I'm fine, and then everybody goes to bed. 

Samie & Ryan: I'm that guy.

Erin: Still, even though you know that she'll understand.

Samie & Ryan: Yeah. I just, I don't want her to worry and stuff like that.

Erin: Sure. Well. 

Samie & Ryan: But if I am the type of guy that if. I need to, I can, you know what I'm saying? So she, like, when all that happened, all my phones were in my car, so I couldn't do anything, but you know how society is these days and social media, somebody was like Facebook live in it or something.

And you could hear the shots in the video. And I mean, everybody has Facebook these days. So everybody was like, what the heck's going on? Our families knew we were working and knew the area knew that was our area. So they got all blown up because some people wanted to do the facebook live thing and record everything. you couldn't really see anything, but you could just hear stuff. and then, I don't know how she found out, but,

Cinnamon: Sammy, do you remember how you found [00:30:00] out? 

Samie & Ryan: Oh, yeah, I remember all of it so It happened the first shift after we got engaged the first shift of him going back to work after we got back from that family vacationI was putting our oldest to bed.

And my really close friend, well, he's a deputy now, but he was a trooper at the time and he was working. and he tried to call me but I didn't answer it. So then as soon as I went downstairs and I called him back. And he said, that. there was an officer involved shooting with Brown County and wouldn't know if I had talked to Ryan and it's not uncommon for us not to talk during our shift just because, we both know it's dangerous to pay attention to your phone or whatever.

So I hadn't talked to him. I don't remember if I text him or if I was like, no, I'm going to wait to hear from him because if it's still going on, I don't want him to, get his attention pulled or whatever. so I asked him, I was like, what's going on? mean, without pulling dispatch into it, there was a miscommunication with dispatch.

[00:31:00] So he was a trooper in the area, but they were advising that they didn't need any more officers, which still gets under my skin because an officer involved shooting but whatever. so he was like, they don't need anybody else. And maybe it's over whatever. I called, another one of my friends who came over to the house and stayed with me in case I needed to leave because obviously we didn't know what was going on 

So my other friend come to the house and stayed there in case I needed to leave. And then I called his brother who was working for the Brown County jail at the time, and they listened to the radios I asked him if he had any updates and he said that, everybody was fine. I don't think they had taken the guy into custody yet, he had heard Ryan on the radio, so he knew that he was okay.

And, I don't remember if I text him or not. I think I text him and was like, Hey, or no, he texts me. And he was like, there was a shooting. I'm fine. I'll see you tonight. And I wasn't going to go to bed. So I [00:32:00] waited for him to come home. And I don't even think we talked about it that night.

Um,he come in and he laid down and went to bed and I never asked him, about until he was Ready to talk about it. I mean, he didn't handle it the way I thought he would handle it. I'll, I will make that comment, but, yeah.

Erin: you have a unique experience and situation because you have the ins. You know people on the inside, whereas if you were a regular civilian wife, you wouldn't have that information. If it was being aired on Facebook, you would just be like, believing everything on Facebook versus saying, Oh, I can call the jail or I can call so and so and get a little more information. And that almost seems like maybe a blessing and a curse sometimes, I would think.

Cinnamon: when I was pregnant and was off the road, there was another pretty big incident where there was, Shots fired, pursuit, all that, and I listened to that firsthand on my radio because I knew he was, there. So I was listening to that on my radio [00:33:00] and maybe I shouldn't, maybe that's worse, but yeah, I do have that upper hand, I guess. Sammy, you said he handled it differently than what you had expected him to handle it. So what were you expecting, and then what do you feel like you actually saw? 

Samie & Ryan: So I guess when I say that, like the way I think before this happened is, if somebody's shooting at me, And I shoot at them. honestly, do I care if I take your life? Cause you're trying to take mine With these guys all the guys that were involved They didn't know when he was air cared from the scene if he was gonna make it or not And all three of them Like was sick to their stomach thinking that he would die.

None of them wanted him to die Knowing what he did knowing that he was shooting at him. None of them wanted him. So I guess when I say that I didn't think that Ryan would handle it that way. I didn't think that he would ever care not that he would, wouldn't care if he killed somebody, but I didn't think that if somebody was shooting at [00:34:00] him, I didn't think it would bother him. They died and it definitely, 

Cinnamon: he would just be indifferent. 

Samie & Ryan: yeah. 

Cinnamon: now, do you think, Ryan, that Maybe a piece of what contributed to you feeling that way was this was your home county, and there was a good chance that at least within six degrees of separation, you knew this person, or maybe you knew their family, or you had enough compassion in the situation to be like, I don't know, good guy normally drunk this one night being dangerous, like, All the factors that we know that kind of make it a little more complex than just the good guy versus the bad guy.

Samie & Ryan: I can say, I'm sure everybody that was in the situation that I was in or similar situations. You always tell yourself, know, if it does happen to you, how you're going to react to that situation, I can tell you, it's not further from the truth. the way that I would have thought I would have reacted as far as, you know, someone trying to kill me, a guy, you would think that you have the [00:35:00] mentality that, oh, you trying to kill me.

You know, why, why should I feel bad but. honestly the opposite, youwhen you're in that situation in that moment someone trying to take your life you have family and,you know, all you can really think about, it's like, Hey, I got to get out of this, cause I got to get home.

And you don't want, your wife to be a widow and you don't want your kids to be fatherless and stuff like that. That's what really, not only, you know, you don't want to take a life, but you think about the bigger picture. And there's stuff that happened to me, that I never thought would happen to me.

Like I was at our old house and I'm not a very emotional guy. So try to keep it all in, not show emotion and stuff like that. And everyone that knows me knows the way that I am. And, I think it was like washing a cup out or something in the sink and just looking out the window.

Cause we you can't go back to work until you're cleared with something like that. So I was [00:36:00] just, in limbo at the house and she was there and I think we were making dinner or something. 

 so I was like washing a cup or doing some, yeah, doing some dishes and, looking out the window, then all of a sudden, I realized,there was like tears coming down my face and, I'm like, what the hell is going on? I didn't understand, like, why that was happening because, the only thing I was thinking about was, Washington cup and looking out the window.

And then the next thing I know, I'm like,I turned around. She's what's wrong? I don't know. And one of my buddies, I actually went to the police Academy with, he is, he worked for the ODNR and he's on some sort of like critical incident team or something with the ODNR. And he actually, cause he knows how I am as well.

And he reached out to me and it was a couple of days after the fact. And he's Hey man, what's up? And I knew why he was calling. And, I said, oh, not much. You know, he's like, how are you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm fine. He's like, how are you really doing? And I'm like, I [00:37:00] think I'm fine. I, then I told him about what happened.

 he's like, yeah, that's just your body, like reacting to, the critical incident. And you can't control that kind of stuff and you need to realize that stuff like that's going to happen and you can't control it, even if you try to control it, you're not going to be able to, and he's just let it happen. he was short and sweet. He knew if I needed something, I wouldn't reach out to him. And I mean, the oldest saying is, you don't know what you have until you lose it. So in that moment, you think you're going to lose everything and you're not going to see anybody ever again.

And I guess That situation was good and bad. Cause I realized what I had, but then you really realize what you have, you know? So I mean, you just don't take anything for granted because you don't know if you're going to lose it or if you're going to have it. So 

Cinnamon: It's like, kind of like, well, yeah, I mean, I know I have a kid, I have a wife. And then all of a sudden it's like, whoa, 

Samie & Ryan: yeah. 

Cinnamon: I really know it on a different level that can certainly make, something feel like the gravity of it. [00:38:00] And I,love that you were able to, respond. To that inquiry from your friend from ODNR, and they were able to explain to you, yeah, the tears are your body just discharging some of that stress.

It didn't have to be a specific thing that you were talking about at that time. And I would love if you already got to know that long before you actually had your officer involved shooting, but the fact that you had somebody reach out to you and almost do a little mini debriefing. So you knew what to expect would make a huge difference.

Samie & Ryan: So we talked a little bit about the advantages of you both doing this job. What are the disadvantages of both of you doing this job? Schedule. Yeah. Our schedules.

Well, schedules. and then when I was a detective, was on call for so many days a week, and we would rotate, so if I was on call, I mean, you pretty much couldn't really do anything didn't know if you was going to get called out for anything. So when she said that we met during the [00:39:00] shooting, I was actually on call.

I was on a week and I was at home. And then I had to come out because, you know, certain calls or certain, things that happened, you know, the sheriff's office required a detective to come out because it needs, you know, further investigation at that point in time. So I was, that was my first week on call.

So I was on call and then obviously it's a shooting. So everybody's coming out and like, luckily, I didn't have any. little, little kids. So I mean, that's another thing to take in consideration is just with that position at the sheriff's office, you just never knew when I mean, it could be like she could tell you, I got calls 234 o'clock in the morning. So, 

Cinnamon: you got to go my 1st thought was,having another, as a spouse, if you guys are at a dinner and you need to stop, I'm sure there would be a lot of understanding, but then as you continue to talk, I thought, yeah, but that would get, Tiring and so it would probably just be easier to [00:40:00] not make plans to leave the house so the last big thing that I wanted to talk about that We hadn't even though we did talk about Ryan washing a cup or doing dishes And I want to ask Sammy this because we know for better or for worse a traditional household You know, we have those traditional gender roles in our head and so When now you've got two little ones a house to take care of And you're both working these long shifts Do you have a traditional kind of division of labor I always think who is the keeper of the list, right? It's oh, here's what we need to do versus, hey, what needs done that I can help you with? I wonder how different that is for both of you to be in similar roles that would maybe, level the playing ground?

And take some of that, stereotypical, Typing out of the situation.

Samie & Ryan: no, we, both do. Ryan's really good about helping. So, I mean, here it's I [00:41:00] don't feel like I do more than he does. he'll jump right in and help with the kids. He doesn't pawn them off on me. he'll help with everything around the house. He doesn't like to do laundry, but I don't either.

So if he was going to our laundry room, there's a lot of laundry. They're all clean. I clean them. I dissolve for them. But as we're like straining up the house, no, we, both like our house clean. So,we both will help clean. I would say there's one thing that I do because Ryan is so forgetful. I keep track of doesn't have school, like she didn't have school today. I keep track of that two hour delays.

Cinnamon: going to the babysitter. and then I just tell him because he'll forget and then basketball game. Yeah, it's about practice. Yeah. basketball practice and game. I so Ryan, what do you do that you kind of pick up lead role on that Sammy is not so great at

Samie & Ryan: anything outside? 

Cinnamon: kind of like with her [00:42:00] picking that anything else

Samie & Ryan: No, any, anything else?

Samie & Ryan: like that.

Cinnamon: Oh, outside, like, 

Samie & Ryan: grass. Yeah, yeah. 

Cinnamon: Okay.

Samie & Ryan: never mowed the grass, ever, That falls back on my dad.

My dad would never let me mow the grass when I was little. No, it's not because she's not allowed. I like my grass a certain way.

Cinnamon: All right. Oh, okay. Alright. I am a little curious why would you never mow the grass.

 Samie & Ryan: oh, my, no. Because she spoiled? No, it was because he wanted the grass to be perfect. No. Yeah, my dad did not spoil Yeah, he did.

Erin: Got to have the lines just right in the yard, it's got a,

Samie & Ryan: Yep.

Erin: yes, that instant gratification feeling. Yeah. I feel you on that one. 

Cinnamon: Yes.

Samie & Ryan: things. 

Erin: There you go. It's great.

Well, Cinnamon, do you have anything else you want to add for the sake of, children being home from school today? I want to be mindful of everybody's [00:43:00] time. 

Cinnamon: the only other topic that I had on my list that I do want to acknowledge that,  just because we are from the same community, I know that Sammy lost her best friend in a car accident, and I just wondered if that had any, you contribution to you specifically picking the State Highway Patrol versus, going to a different agency, because I could see where, that might be a draw for you to help make the road safe. And if that plays any part in what you do today, or how you, Operate as either an L. E. O. or a person or a parent, and that may a little deeper than just a few minutes, but if there's anything that you want to say that you feel like would do justice without it just being like a, Last minute kind of piece, because I know that is by no means, a last two minute explanation.

Samie & Ryan: it didn't play a role in me picking the patrol, to go into. It [00:44:00] definitely, plays a role now and like how I handle certain things. like it's all around my hometown. if She was still alive, I don't think I would be a trooper because I probably would have a few charges because we got into so much stuff together. She was like, she was just that,like everybody has a little devil on their shoulder. that was me and her to each other. Like we, we never, no, it was never good when you got us together.

It was just never a good time. And I think you can talk to both of our parents and know that was but I worked for a sheriff's department before I went into the patrol and then I chose, this is just me personally. I chose the patrol because, I felt at that time it was hard. It was challenging.

not everybody could be a trooper. the structure of the patrol,you have to leave to go to the academy for six months. So it's it's a military style. And I liked that. I wanted that challenge. [00:45:00] I wanted,I wanted to feel like I earned the job and I wanted to,be the best of the best.

Per se, like that, I'm not saying I'm any better. I'm just saying that was,that's what the patrol is known for. It's challenging. so that's why I chose the state patrol. And then, they have a high standard. Yeah, that's the best way to describe 

Cinnamon: As you can see, by the 

Samie & Ryan: But she died because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt at the time of her crash. so I think that it plays a role when I work, I tell people, you know, if I'm giving you a seatbelt ticket, it's not because I just want to write a ticket. It's because I want you to understand how important it really is to wear your seatbelt.

obviously you have people that want to argue with you and I don't sit on the side of the road and be like, Hey, my best friend died because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. I don't tell people that, but, sometimes we talk to kids and I tell them, my best friend died, [00:46:00] she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

she doesn't get to get married and have kids and actually live her life because she chose not to wear her seatbelt. And so I think that I didn't choose the patrol because of that, but Without me knowing led me to the patrol because I do think that I can speak on it.

I have firsthand experience, which obviously I see crashes where people die because they're not wearing their seatbelt, but it doesn't necessarily affect me firsthand. Like it did 

Cinnamon: I don't know how often this would happen, but if, maybe there's one fatality, but another family member that is still unseen or was in the car that, may not be as injured that. You may have to attend to do you feel like that gives you some more compassion?

Knowing you know how I'll just say like familylike her parents Knowing them and how it affected them Knowing how it affected you does it change how you engage? family [00:47:00] members after Something like a critical incident or an accident where there's a fatality

Samie & Ryan: it might without me noticing, I don't necessarily think about it. obviously, everybody knows. When you see a trooper pull into your driveway, it's not good. when we pull into the driveway, I think that everybody's just trying to think, okay, what family members not home because they know when we pull into the driveway, they know that, we're probably going to deliver bad news.

so I guess maybe it's just because, training kicks in. I don't think I've ever thought when I was. actually delivering the news to a family member. I think what goes through my mind at that point is I know, and I guess this does come from, because I remember that day like it was yesterday.

I remember everything. I remember who told me. I remember how they told me. I guess I, I do know when I'm going to tell somebody that, a family member died in a crash. I know that I'm gonna be who they remember. And the way I handle it It's going to stick with them for the rest of their life.

[00:48:00] So that's what goes through my mind when I'm about to tell somebody that. 

Cinnamon: I'm a little, I'm a little speechless, which I think that is probably the most honorable thing that you can do, for her memory is to, be mindful and deliver it in a way that, will last forever and want to make that as. less traumatic as possible,just being sensitive and that kind of thing.

So I'm glad that's one of the outcomes. I think that probably means a lot to the people who are receiving that information and they may not always be able to show appreciation for it or even realize how conscientious that effort is to tell them, because they didn't have that bad experience because you were.

mindful of the impact of that and how it will stay with them and be a part of this tragedy for them. Hmm. Well, Erin, I, [00:49:00] um,

Erin: I will say that you two are in a unique situation, but I think what's most unique about you is the way that you're navigating your relationship, the way that you're navigating your family. yes, I imagine there is a good and the hard with both being in law enforcement, but you are doing an exceptional job, it sounds like.balancing this chaotic, crazy life that you guys have both agreed and signed up for. we thank you so much for your time today, This was fun. Now that we've officially met and I'm not just the family stalker, we can, perhaps actually like now go to the next 

Cinnamon: step and meet in person. 

Samie & Ryan: we can do that. just got

Cinnamon: So maybe when the weather gets better, and you have a day off, Sammy, and you have the girls, I can just meet you on the bike trail and, we can stroll and then you can just give them to me and I will take them home with me and give them back in a week

Samie & Ryan: know, you [00:50:00] would, you'd be like, come get these kids. Come get them right now.