When Words Fail: The Worst Things to Say to Someone Grieving

Grief is one of those things that hits everyone differently, and let’s be honest—most of us suck at knowing what to say when someone we care about is going through it. Whether it's at a funeral, in a sympathy card, or just a well-meaning text, people often default to the same old clichés that do more harm than good. Today, Erin and Cinnamon dive deep into what NOT to say when supporting someone who’s grieving—because while words can’t fix grief, they sure as hell can make it worse.

From the classic “They’re in a better place” to the infuriating “Everything happens for a reason”, they’re breaking down why these phrases can feel dismissive, invalidating, or just plain annoying. More importantly, they offer real alternatives—the things that may help when someone is drowning in loss. Spoiler: it’s less about what you say and more about how you show up.

Key Takeaways from This Episode:

Ditch the clichés. Phrases like “At least they lived a long life” or “God has a plan” can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge their pain with “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”
Grief isn’t a competition. Telling someone “I know exactly how you feel” might seem like empathy, but no two losses are the same. Instead, offer space with “I’m here for you.”
“Stay strong” isn’t always helpful. Being vulnerable isn’t weak—it’s human. Instead of pressuring someone to keep it together, remind them “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”
Loss isn’t something to ‘move on’ from. Telling someone “Time heals all wounds” or “You’ll move on in time” is a one-way ticket to an eye roll. Instead, remind them that grief has no timeline and that you’ll be there through it.
Don’t make them ask for help. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” offer something specific: “Can I bring dinner over at 5?” or “I’ll pick up groceries for you this week.” The less decision-making required, the better.

Call to Action:

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DISCLAIMER:
After the Tones Drop has been presented and sponsored by Whole House Counseling. After the Tones Drop is for informational purposes only and does not constitute for medical or psychological advice. It is not a substitute for professional health care advice diagnosis or treatment. Please contact a local mental health professional in your area if you are in need of assistance. You can also visit our shows resources page for an abundance of helpful information.

ATTD Music Credits (Music from #Uppbeat):

https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/adventure-is-calling License code: ANJCYVHRMULSNKQR
https://uppbeat.io/t/vens-adams/rise-of-the-hero License code: H4WTAGJZIXZCM8DM
https://uppbeat.io/t/yeti-music/homewardLicense code: KO7FZAIJBAEAJLKE
https://uppbeat.io/t/sonda/the-heart-grows License code: KAID0ITO96GJZAPS
https://uppbeat.io/t/philip-anderson/achievement License code: XZ4PMCKHW94GUR74
https://uppbeat.io/t/tobias-voigt/nexus
License code: MVMDRGHKHTJRABVR
https://uppbeat.io/t/paul-yudin/breakthrough
License code: FYPM3OJF0NQ4OGTE